60+ Dave Chappelle Funny Quotes From His Best Show

These best Dave Chappelle funny quotes and sayings will make you cry out of joy.

David Khari Webber Chappelle was born on August 24, 1973, is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. Famous for his satirical comedy sketch series Chappelle’s Show (2003–2006), he is rewarded with numerous awards including 5 Emmy Awards, 3 Grammy Awards, and the Mark Twain Prize.

Dave Chappelle funny quotes

Chappelle quit the Chappelle’s Show in the middle of the third season and returned to perform stand-up comedy in the U.S.

First shown in the lead role in the 1998 comedy film Half Baked, he had worked in several films including Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993) and  A Star Is Born (2018).

Chappelle’s parents were both politically active college professors. he studied theater arts in school, graduating in 1991.

Dave has been appraised by several titles for his work including “comic genius of America” by Esquire in 2006,  “the best” by a Billboard writer in 2013, and ranked No.9 by Rolling Stone “50 Best Stand Up Comics of All Time” in 2017.

Here we are sharing a collection of Dave Chappelle funny show quotes for your enjoyment.

Dave Chappelle Quotes

“No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone… you answer it.” – Dave Chappelle

“I support anyone’s right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?” – Dave Chappelle

“The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.” – Dave Chappelle

“Things like racism are institutionalized. You might not know any bigots. You feel like “well I don’t hate black people so I’m not a racist,” but you benefit from racism. Just by the merit, the color of your skin. The opportunities that you have, you’re privileged in ways that you might not even realize because you haven’t been deprived of certain things. We need to talk about these things in order for them to change.” – Dave Chappelle

“Where I’m from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.” – Dave Chappelle

“The only way you can know where the line is is if you cross it.” – Dave Chappelle

“Once you been performing on the streets you can conquer any venue.” – Dave Chappelle

“Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!” – Dave Chappelle

“They do what they do for money – that’s all. I don’t even know why you’re listening to me. I’ve done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can’t even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.” – Dave Chappelle

“All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.” – Dave Chappelle

Dave Chappelle Show Quotes

“I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.” – Dave Chappelle

“One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.” – Dave Chappelle

“Cause my life is dope, and I do dope sh*t” – Dave Chappelle

“I don’t really frick with Africa cause people are starving to death and that’s not ballin’ to me.” – Dave Chappelle

“Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you’re interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.” – Dave Chappelle

“You know, be able to do something great in your life, you’re gonna have to realize your failures. You’re gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.” – Dave Chappelle

“The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.” – Dave Chappelle

“What did the 5 fingers say to the face. S L A P!” – Dave Chappelle

“Weed’s not as bad as everything else… ’cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain’t crisp… but you’ll function.” – Dave Chappelle

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.” – Dave Chappelle

Dave Chappelle Funny Quotes

“I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!” – Dave Chappelle

“My wife asked me once if I weren’t a comedian, what I would do. I couldn’t answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.” – Dave Chappelle

“I have angst in my life, but I’m like anybody. We all have angst in our lives that we pick up and fidget with and then we put down and look at some other things that make us feel good or enjoy our lives.” – Dave Chappelle

“The world can’t tell you who you are. You’ve just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.” – Dave Chappelle

“You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.” – Dave Chappelle

“My kids look actually happy. And I learned early on that perfectionism and parenthood is a toxic combination for everybody involved. In other words, so many things can flourish naturally. All you gotta do is make sure the soil’s right. I view myself more like a guide than a ruler.” – Dave Chappelle

“Constantly take inventory of what’s important to you.” – Dave Chappelle

“The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive. “I don’t understand this person. So they’re crazy.” That’s bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.” – Dave Chappelle

“Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.” – Dave Chappelle

“I’m happier in the way a guy gets happier when he starts to mature. It doesn’t make things easier, but I’m so much better at handling them.” – Dave Chappelle

Best Dave Chappelle Show Quotes

“The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.” – Dave Chappelle

“If someone sits and stares at you while you eat, you won’t even eat the way you normally do, because it’ll make you so uncomfortable. If I look at my dog when he’s eating, he will look at me like, “Dave, I will bite you. What are you looking at? I’m trying to eat.” It’s something that dehumanizes a person, being on display like that.” – Dave Chappelle

“If I can make a teacher’s salary doing comedy, I think that’s better than being a teacher.” – Dave Chappelle

“There’s a lot of people who don’t want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like – they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it’s a lot of fun, man. It’s like, this is how I started, and it’s still fun for me.” – Dave Chappelle

“The kid is the best thing that ever happened to me.” – Dave Chappelle

“You get sick of jokes, you know. Either I do them on TV, and then you worry, like, “Oh, everyone’s gonna see it,” so you chuck it, or you just get sick of saying it. After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.” – Dave Chappelle

“I care about the work I do. But I’m not going to say that money’s not an issue.” – Dave Chappelle

“Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he’s not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn’t even say that.” – Dave Chappelle

“There’s something about doing stand-up that’s cathartic.” – Dave Chappelle

“Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they’d never believe i lived in it. They’d be like ‘He’s still here!” – Dave Chappelle

Dave Chappelle Rick James Quotes

“I was 23. When you’re 23, your concern is not for the greater good of humanity. I didn’t feel like I was unleashing an evil on society or anything. At the time, that’s what I was into, and I did a movie about it.” – Dave Chappelle

“Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say “their life” I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.” – Dave Chappelle

“I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you’re a guy who generates money, people have a vested interest in controlling you.” – Dave Chappelle

“I got a lot of positive people around me.” – Dave Chappelle

“Everyone who wants to make it in comedy goes to L.A., so a million comedians fight for time on three stages. If you get in there in New York, you’re working eight times a night sometimes. Who’s going to be funny, the guy who works once a week, or the guy working eight times a night?” – Dave Chappelle

“The biggest enemy of an artist is apathy… A kid gets killed by the police and I buy a T-shirt and before I can wear that one, there’s another kid (killed) and I’m running out of closet space.” – Dave Chappelle

“The higher up I went, the less happy I was.” – Dave Chappelle

“Why is Dave Chappelle going to Africa? Why does Mariah Carey make a hundred-million-dollar deal and take her clothes off on TRL? A weak person can not get here and talk to you. Ain’t no weak people talking to you. So what is happening in Hollywood? Nobody knows! The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive. I don’t understand this person, so they’re crazy. That’s bullshit. These people are not crazy, they’re strong people. Maybe the environment is a little sick.” – Dave Chappelle

“Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak ‘job interview.’” – Dave Chappelle

“My father told me ‘Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.’” – Dave Chappelle

Dave Chappelle Quotes On Life

“I enjoy my own thoughts sometimes.” – Dave Chappelle

“If you don’t have the right people around you and you’re moving at a million miles an hour you can lose yourself.” – Dave Chappelle

“I’m cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.” – Dave Chappelle

“You’ve got to say ‘yes’ to your destiny. Life’s happening right now, look around you. There goes some life. Come on, Mamma, live!” – Dave Chappelle

“I started when I was 14. I figured out that’s what I wanted to do when I was 14. Even when I was six, I can remember people telling me, “You’re gonna be a comedian,” and all this stuff.” – Dave Chappelle

“When I’m on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that’s the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.” – Dave Chappelle

“There’s not too many people that don’t think I’m crazy, for walking away from so much money. I’m at a restaurant with my wife, it’s a nice restaurant, we’re eating dinner. I look across the room, I say, ‘You see this guy over here, across the room? He has $100 million.’ And we’re eating the same entree. So, OK, fine, I don’t have $50 million or whatever it was, but say I have $10 million in the bank. The difference in lifestyle is minuscule.” – Dave Chappelle

“Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.” – Dave Chappelle

“You can’t get unfamous. You can get infamous but you can’t get unfamous.” – Dave Chappelle

“Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it’s not nothing, it’s something. But it’s not the end-all, be-all. There are other things in my life that I did not purchase with money that are very valuable.” – Dave Chappelle

“Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they’re socially callous.” – Dave Chappelle

“You got to be careful of the company you keep.” – Dave Chappelle

“The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive.” – Dave Chappelle

“I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.” – Dave Chappelle

“Most people don’t know what it’s like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It’s not like I’m doing heavy lifting up there. It’s not like I’m solving the world’s problems. It’s like I’m hanging out with a bunch of people and it’s cool.” – Dave Chappelle

Did you enjoy these Dave Chappelle quotes?

Dave Chappelle is an interesting comedian. If you are ever in need of laughter, do try him. He is really good at his job and can make you feel better through his witty humor and presentable style.

We hope these Dave Chappelle show quotes will make you forget all about your problems for a while and put a smile on that beautiful face.

Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favorite Dave Chappelle quotes or if you want to ask any questions or have any query send them via Contact Us

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