127 Talladega Nights Quotes By Ricky Bobby & Others

These Talladega Nights Quotes by Ricky Bobby and others will make you laugh.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is an American sports comedy film that was directed by Adam McKay and written by both Will Ferrell and Adam McKay. The story follows Ricky Bobby (Will Farrell), the number 1 NASCAR driver in the United States. However, he is not very good at dealing with his success because he has always been told by his father that if “you are not first, you are last.”

Best Talladega Nights Quotes

Talladega Nights movie is one of the best movies ever made. It’s funny, action-packed, and with lots of heart. The film received positive reviews from critics and grossed $148 million worldwide.

Will Farrell and John C. Reilly have given their best performance as NASCAR winning and NASCAR second-place drivers.

Here we are sharing a collection of funny Talladega Nights Quotes by Ricky Bobby, Cal Naughton Jr, Reese Bobby, and Jean Girard will put a smile on your face.

Talladega Nights Quotes

“You better shut the hell up or I’ll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!” – Texas Ranger

“No, I don’t know what that means, I guess longer lives.” — Lucius Washington

“No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high-level income, it’s not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300.” — Ricky Bobby

“Dear Lord baby Jesus, lying there in your little ghost manger just looking at your Baby Einstein developmental videos learning about shapes and colors…” — Ricky Bobby

“We keep it on there for profiling purposes! We’ve also got The Pet Shop Boys and Seal.” — Bartender

“I sent in my application to The Real World, so I’m hoping to hear back from that. I’m putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I’m also thinking about getting a gun, And dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not, like, a mean crack dealer, but like… like a nice one. Kinda friendly, like, “Hey, what’s up guys? You want some crack?”. I’m just waiting on those two things to just kinda flesh themselves out.” — Ricky Bobby

“I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I mean I wake up in the morning, I piss excellence.” — Ricky Bobby

 [to the crew as they are speed-changing a customer’s tire] “Guys! No tires! We’re not a pit crew anymore, we’re a car wash team.” – Lucius Washington

“It’s real nice. I got it at Target. It’s on sale.”

“It’s in the Geneva Convention!”

Ricky Bobby Quotes

“I’m just a big hairy American winning machine. – Ricky Bobby

“Dear Lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC and the always delicious Taco Bell.” — Ricky Bobby

“You can’t have two No. 1s.” – Ricky Bobby

“Chew big red, or get out of my face motherf*cker.” — Ricky Bobby

“Wow. I feel like I’m in Highlander!” – Ricky Bobby

“You don’t understand. You don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty. You don’t understand freedom. So, you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?” — Ricky Bobby

“Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon’ get bumpy!” — Ricky Bobby

“When you work on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you need the right tools too. That’s why you should use [is tossed a box of tampons] Maypax. The official tampon of NASCAR.” — Ricky Bobby

“Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.” — Ricky Bobby

“I came here to tell you one thing: come race time tomorrow, I’m coming for you.” – Ricky Bobby

Best Talladega Nights Quotes

“Daddy, you made that grace your b*tch.” — Walker Bobby

“Hey, Jamie! Losing’s never fun, but here’s a little something to pick your spirits up… (flips the finger) It’s real nice…I got it at Target…it was on sale.” —Ricky Bobby

“Girard is sitting on the pole, which is a statement of fact And in no way a comment on his sexual orientation.” — PA Announcer

“Ricky, remember: The field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night.” — Chip

“Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don’t you put that on us! You are NOT paralyzed!” — Lucius Washington

“Hi, I’m Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red, then bleep you.” – Ricky Bobby

“It won the Academy Award… Best movie ever made.” – Ricky Bobby

“Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!” – Ricky Bobby

“From now on, you’re the Magic Man and I’m El Diablo.” – Ricky Bobby

“I hope that both of you have sons. Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt.” – Ricky Bobby

Cal Naughton Jr Quotes From Talladega Nights

“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says like, ‘I wanna be formal, but I’m here to party too.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.

“I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There’s no shame in that.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.

 “We go together like cocaine and waffles.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

“I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.

“You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

“Shake and bake!” — Cal Naughton Jr.

“I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

“One of you turds is gonna get smacked in the mouth!” – Texas Ranger

“I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge.” — Walker

“This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.”  – Ricky Bobby

“Why, if it isn’t our mangy, transient grandfather.” – Texas Ranger

Reese Bobby Quotes From Talladega Nights

“Hey, shut up you little pot-licker, I’ll stick you in a microwave!” – Reese Bobby

“You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more goddamn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.” — Reese Bobby

“There’s nothing more frightening than driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.”
— Reese Bobby

Reese: “You got big. How long’s it been? Three, four months?”
Ricky: “Ten years.”
Reese: “Ten years? Man, I’ve gotta lay off the peyote.”

“Let me just quote the late great Colonel Sanders. He said, ‘I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.’”  — Ricky Bobby

“Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey.” — Texas Ranger

“Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened!” – Ricky Bobby

“I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew.”  – Texas Ranger

“Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces… newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet.” – Ricky Bobby

Jean Girard Quotes From Talladega Nights

 “Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?” – Jean Girard

“Bon. So, what if you just said: ‘I love really thin pancakes’? That is a fair compromise, no?” –Jean Girard

“What is that, a catchphrase or is that epilepsy?” — Jean Girard

“May God be with you, Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!” – Jean Girard

“Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.” — Jean Girard

“My husband Gregory and I wish for only that which every couple wish for, to retire to Stockholm and design a currency for dogs and cats to use.” — Jean Girard

“God needs the devil. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?” — Jean Girard

“But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.” – Jean Girard

“Now we shall dance, and yes, it will be a slow jam.” – Jean Girard

“I’m not sure what to do with my hands.” – Ricky Bobby

Talladega Nights Jesus Quotes

“That idea ain’t worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on.”

“Break it, Pepé Le Pew.”

“It’s the fastest who gets paid and it’s the fastest who gets laid.”

“Yep, I’m flying through the air. This is not good.”

“Always remember, if you ain’t first, you’re last.”

“Dear 8-pound, 6-ounce newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet…”

“Help me, Oprah Winfrey!”

“You gotta win to get love. Everyone knows that. I mean that’s just life.”

“Am I on fire?”

“The ninjas are trying to get me.”

Ricky Bobby Quotes About Winning

“I feel like I was riding inside an asteroid or a comet or something.”

“Hey, I don’t know why I am talking to you. Do you remember that I hate you?”

“Down, Karen! Get down! Get down, Karen!”

“Time to let the cougar loose.”

“Well, what do you say we get thrown out of an Applebee’s?”

“Hey, driver! Drive these.”

“Super’s ready! Come on, y’all! I’ve been slaving over this for hours.”

“I like the Christmas Jesus best and I’m saying grace. When you say grace you can say it to grown-up Jesus, or teenage Jesus or bearded Jesus or whoever you want.”

“Jesus did grow up.”

“Golly, this is a hard decision, but I have thought about it, and I want the plug pulled.”

Ricky Bobby Quotes And Sayings From Talladega Nights Movie

“I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.”

“You nailed that like a split hog.”

“I’ll hold your hair.”

“I’ll just bury it down inside.”

“It’s painful, and I love you!”

“Got more plugs in him than a Circuit City.”

“Everyone turn away. Things are gonna get crazy. We’re gonna make animal noises.”

“See you when you’re grown up.”

“You don’t drive with your eyes, you drive with your heart.”

“Now, there’s nothing like driving to avoid jail. Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like a necessity.”

Funny Talladega Nights Quotes

“I wanna go fast. I wanna go fast.”

“I’m going fast.”

“Why did you stop the jazz music? Was it not pleasant for you?”

“I think what you are hearing is my accent.”

“I will let you go, Ricky, but first I want you to say, ‘I love crepes.’”

“Your injury is one of ignorance and pride.”

“You have spilled my macchiato.”

“Hakuna matata, b****es.”

“I wanna go fast!”

“I felt like I was on a spaceship.”

Talladega Nights Movie Quotes

“We’ll use this knife to pry it out!” (trying to remove a knife in Ricky’s leg)

“Please don’t let the invisible fire burn my friend!”

“When you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?”

“Sometimes you get a knock on the head, you get special powers. It happens all the time. Read a comic book, okay?”

“And now the matador shall dance with the blind shoemaker.”

“By defeating me today, you have set me free.”

“Sir, you taste of America.”

“What’s implication mean?”

“How many more times you going to toss me the radio in the bathtub?”

“Oh, gooder than grits.”

Lines From Talladega Nights

“Because I like to party.”

“It’s not always bad to be in last place. Here’s some things we can focus on. 1. We tried hard and 2. We’re still dear friends.”

“Sorry Lucius, but it’s a hard habit to break, like stalking an ex-girlfriend.”

“I’m the Magic Man now.”

“Abracadabra, homes”

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been standing.”

“Grandfather, can’t we resolve this conflict without anger?”

“My head’s all tied up like a pretzel. I got a pretzel in my head.”

“Shake it before you bake it!

“Please be 18.”

Famous Ricky Bobby Quotes

“When you work on your mysterious lady-part stuff, you should have the right tools too. So, that’s why you should use Maypax, the official tampon of NASCAR.”

“Absolutely ma’am. I’d love to sign your baby. You’re not gonna want to wash that forehead.”

“I don’t care, I’m having a baby!”

“Now I am declaring Granny Law and if you do not obey Granny Law, I will paint your back porch red.”

“Susan, you got to watch it when I get into the autograph mode.”

“I’m Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red, then f*** you.”

“No ma’am. I haven’t seen my daddy in years. But my mama says he’s out racing cars and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.”

Did these funny Talladega Nights quotes put a smile on your face?

If you are a fan of Will Ferell’s acting then Talladega Nights will be in your top favorite lists. This movie is full of outrageous one-liners, bizarre characters, and funny antics. 

It does not matter if you have seen Talladega Nights once or hundreds of times, there is something about Ricky Bobby’s character and other actors that it puts a smile on your face every time you see it. We hope these Talladega Nights quotes will do the same for you.

Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favorite Talladega Nights quotes have any query send them via Contact Us

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